Is happiness a choice?!? Learn how to cultivate happiness and make it a habit.

You have those friends and family in your life who seem to radiate sunshine and happiness. They find joy in simple things or even "bad" things! In the cynical corner of my brain I roll my eyes and think well they were gifted that ability, not everyone can just “be” like that. But that is simply a lie I tell myself. It is my little monkey brain talking too loudly. Happiness is not a genetic marker but rather a mindset, a state of being, and one that has no end game. It also a spectrum and we all have varied idea of what happiness means to us individually. Happiness is defined as the ability to experiences emotions such as pleasure, joy, interest, pride on a more regular basis and adversely experiencing negative emotions such as sadness and anxiety. It is important to note that happiness does not mean without negative emotions. The intentional frequency of positive emotions is what allows an individual to stay in a happy state of being even while experiencing negative circumstances. Don’t be mislead in that nothing bad or difficult happens to “happy” people but rather the ability to embrace those stressful life moments as opportunities for growth.

When I think about those individuals in my personal and professional life who have cultivated happiness as part of their wellness routine, and I see that they also exhibit “life satisfaction” and a level “acceptance” that breeds positivity. As I dived into research about happiness, I found several quotes from two wise minds on the subject of happiness.

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Mastin Kipp, the founder of Daily Love, said:

"I don’t expect to always be happy, I simply accept what is. And that acceptance is key. This is what self-love is all about, really, acceptance and the ability to love yourself right where you are."

Aristotle said:

"Happiness is a state of activity."

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So this fluffy positive platitudes are great and all, but how do we cultivate happiness as part of our daily life? As a therapist I am taking the time over the course of the next few weeks to evaluate my happiness and use some wellness strategies that I find helpful to make some achievable changes in my life with concepts of a growth mindset rooted in happiness. Like Aristotle said “happiness is a state of activity” so my first activity is to take a self care assessment. I like this assessment because it evaluates how you are cultivating healthy self care experiences in physical, psychological, emotional, spiritual, financial, and interpersonal relationships. What I love about this assessment is that it also give you ideas about things you enjoy but have been neglecting. As you go through this, think about what statements hit you in your pleasure center, or maybe give you joy, spark an interest, and instill a sense of pride? Use those to start to cultivate this idea of happiness within you!

Self care assessment.pdf

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Now that you have assessed your different areas of wellness. I want you to look for areas that are lacking attention and where you can add in new experiences that will cultivate pleasure, joy, interest, and pride – these are the essential notions that define happiness! Think about the things that maybe you once engaged in that brought you joy and pleasure and make a conscious effort to incorporate that into your daily life. These things have to be achievable and relatively easy so to promote success. Look at your self assessment and choose an area that needs attention. I know for me my physical self-care is lacking and I need to incorporate more exercise into my life. I generally dread working out so this activity is designed to look at physical exercise through the lens of happiness. Lets see if it works!

Answer these questions:

“I remember feeling so happy when I learned to tap dance as a child”

“I find a lot of joy when I am in nature.”

“I am interested in trying/learning how to play pickleball”

“I remember feeling so proud when I lost 26 pounds last year.”

So now I can create positive emotions around physical activity and my next step is to get in the growth mindset that if I DO these things I can find happiness and improve my overall wellness! This week I will focus on JOY and engaging with nature by incorporating physical activity during the week including: taking a walk at sunset, riding my bike to see the falls leaves, and racking the leaves during the weekend.

Consider using your phone to set reminders to meet these goals and if you like journaling make a note of how you feel after doing these activities. Remember….cultivating happiness is a mindset and an action! 

Now go learn, teach, and make the choice to be happy!

If you struggle with negative ruminating thoughts and find this activity to overwhelming, talk to a therapist to address negative thinking patterns and come back to this activity. You might also consider starting small by answering the self-assessment worksheet and talking about it with a trusted friend who might help get you motivated.